Those Who Loved You Into Being
I prayed ‘Isha in my closet as I always do, but something was different as I put my head against the carpet. With my white dressing table to my right and my assorted wardrobe choices hanging around, I said my Salaams to finish my Salah before taking a few moments for dhikr.
My hand went to take off my hijab but I paused to stroke the top of my head. It’s not something I can recall doing before with any thought or intention, but all of a sudden, I saw a flashing image of my fathers’ warm hand over my head as he patted it throughout my years with him in Virginia. As I put my hand over my head, I felt his instead of mine. How I wished, it was his instead of mine.
When his hand would meet my head, I felt his love reverberating through me. His hand lovingly told me how proud he was and how much I meant to him. A simple gesture with endless meaning in my heart.
This same head atop my shoulders would rest in my mother's lap as she would soothe my headaches and occasional migraines. My fathers’ hands would feel firm and heavy whereas my mums’ were soft and plump. She would dim the lights and rhythmically move about my forehead with her gentle hands, stamping me with her warmth and affection until my headache would cease, or until I’d finally fall asleep.
This special spot that many can see but only a handful have known, is now home to a nightly kiss from my husband, capturing his endless love, support, and devotion to me. He is the one who would tie a strip of muslin fabric around my head when my headaches resurfaced during pregnancy. Only he shares the closest memories I’ve stored in this precious space from the past five years of our marriage.
From all of my loving relationships, there is only One who I have ever put my head onto the ground for, in ultimate submission. When I have struggled and fallen, when I have triumphed and risen, Allah (swa) has witnessed my head on the ground, every day for the last 23 years and counting. He has carried me from one season to the next, showing me unimaginable joys and miracles. He has heard my tears and lifted me out of dark places. Only He has seen my head, in complete submission and awe.
Allah is the One who loved me into being. He has surrounded my life and memories with blessed loved ones who have done the same.
He is the source of their love.
He is the love and mercy I experience every day I wake up to see the sun or the clouds.
Writing Prompts // Reflection
Think of those who have loved you into being. Those who truly love you as you are, without exception. How has their loved shaped you into being? Think about their care and concern for you and how proud they are to see who you are becoming. Bask in this for a few moments.
What do you wish to tell these blessed few people in your life?
How can you bring the qualities they gave you and pass them on to those you love today such as your children and family?
