Take Up Space
“Please speak up and share your thoughts in class discussions, just as you do in your writing!”
I read variations of the same message on my graded assignments through middle school, high school, and college. Most often, I still chose to write instead of speaking up. I’d always choose to sit further towards the back of my classrooms, where I could comfortably doodle and minimize the chances of being called on to participate. I would avoid sharing anything verbally in my classes unless it felt like a do-or-die moment (basically if it was necessary to get an ‘A’). This wasn’t because I didn’t like the subject or professor, but I much preferred being present but unnoticed. Writing allowed me to share and “speak” on my terms, without feeling pressured. When I dig deeper though, I question whether I internalized this thought because perhaps I didn’t feel worthy of taking up space.
Taking up space.
This comes so naturally for my daughter. She enters a space and immediately, she is the center of attention. I am always around her of course, and I notice how quickly she can make her space and own it. My daughter will walk stomp down staircases no matter where she is. She’ll reach her highest vocal cord capacity at any given time. She sings nasheeds in the middle of store aisles and doesn’t think twice about who is watching and wondering what Arabic words she’s saying. Just the other day, we were in a local store, and she was confidently signing the Salalawat nasheed by Sami Yusuf (with the deep notes and all!) and there were more than a couple of people who looked back to do a double-take at us. I didn’t say a word and just smiled under my mask. Truth is, I love her confidence out in the world and the way she takes her space. I could learn a few things from her.
Children as young as her age don’t wait for approval. They don’t need anyones’ permission slip to show up as they are and to feel validated in themselves. It’s only over time and through our experiences that we learn to shrink ourselves. The messages we’re told and the ones we relentlessly repeat to ourselves get embedded in us like a magnet unwilling to be moved.
I can think of times in my past when I created safe zones that appeared to help me at first, but also limited my growth over time. I shut the door on opportunities well before they had room to become a possibility. Despite some of my hidden ways of showing up in the world, I’m grateful for maintaining a quiet inner confidence that helped me nurture my ideas into fruition. Just as I believe my ideas deserve space, I am still working on the inner belief that I can take up space and be seen. Each day after my morning du’as, I want to seek Allah’s help and feel worthy of showing up fully, even if it means some losses along the way. I want to experience the world without all the protective layers I’ve built up over time. I was placed in my environment for a purpose and even when I can’t make sense of everything, I can choose to show up bravely, take my place, and fumble along the way, knowing my imperfections make me who I am. I was never meant to be perfect, but I was meant to show up and do the work I care about because that’s what will matter in the end.
Take up space.
Writing Prompts // Reflection
When was the last time you felt you took your space without any sense of self-critique, shrinking, or conforming? Who were you around? How did you show up (describe your language, expression, body language, feelings, etc. as vividly as you can remember them)? How can you bring more of that energy into your life?
(If applicable) When did you begin to shrink yourself? What was going on for you? What messages were you internalizing?
What do you want to say to the part of yourself that feels it doesn’t belong or doesn’t wish to take up space?
If you could write yourself a permission slip to take up space and show up to do what you’ve always wanted to do, what would your permission slip say?
Write your permission slip and place it where you can come across it regularly.
